Last time, I had us in the offices of The Big & Famous Hotel Company, and we’d just discovered that we had been lured there under false premises to hear a pitch for timeshare vacation property.
I assume that everyone knows what a timeshare is. But, just on the off chance you don’t...a timeshare is a kind of property ownership where you don’t actually own the property. Rather, you own time at a property or properties. That is, you pay a certain fee, and you have the right to be there for, say, six days a year, or whatever. Traditionally, it has been popular for vacation properties.
Now, personally, I hate timeshares. I detest them.
About the photos: First, I don’t have any more photos of the inside of The Big & Famous Hotel Company’s office, or at least none that I care to share. Instead, I’ll just post this photo of the Austin skyline that I snapped while we were celebrating my granddaughter’s graduation from Nursery School (Yay!).
Okay, that’s a bias on my part. And not a rational one. I do know people who own timeshares and are quite happy with them. For instance, friends of ours were great golfers. They had a timeshare program very much like the one being offered at Big & Famous. Each year, they’d visit one or two different resorts, each under the same timeshare program, tour the area where it was located, and enjoy the golf courses that came along with them.
However, that isn’t the way I personally relate to real estate. I think of buying a property, not time-to-use a property. And I think of property as either a place to live (like the house I’m in now) or an investment, like my parents’ rental properties.
And, that’s just not how timeshares work.
Besides...well...timeshares are an interesting business to say the least. And the timeshare industry has had more than its share of scandals. There have been any number of cases where fees doubled or tripled without notice...where the property supposedly available to owners was, in fact, not available...where, honestly, a thousand other things went horribly wrong.(1)
But the real kicker about timeshares, and why I genuinely hate them, is that the timeshare industry is famed...or infamous...for its marketing practices. Historically, it has made a habit of very hard selling, indeed, (2)
And I knew, from previous experience, exactly what was going to happen next. We would be taken into an office or meeting area for the first of multiple hours...hours!...of presentations. We’d speak to multiple sales people. We would not be given time for breaks...even to use the restroom...unless we insisted. We would not eat. That was why the “scheduled openings” had been so close to lunch time...just as the other couple had been booked for a meeting before breakfast. That was a deliberate plan. Somewhere along the line, our blood sugar would be way down, and we’d start making stupid choices. (2)
Then there’d be more presentations. More sales people. A film or video. Maybe two of them. And then, hours later...maybe as much as five hours...we’d be presented with a contract and asked to sign on the dotted line.
Only much later would we notice all the hidden fees and the extra costs. Management fees. Cleaning fees. Ease-of-use fees. And only much, Much, MUCH later would we discover that those fees increased each and every year.
Oh, and by the way...we would find that it was almost impossible to sell, transfer, or abandon our membership.
Okay...Martha and I looked at each other. We communicated by that weird telepathy that comes to you sometimes. We knew that there was no way we were going to let that happen. The question, now, was how to get out of the offices of Big & Famous with a minimum of fuss, and, if possible, getting our $75 deposit back. If it wasn’t possible, well, that was fine. If that was the cost of escape, I was willing to pay it.
And just then...the same woman in green who had seated us before appeared. “Ah...” she said, in a voice that just positively dripped of forced cheeriness. “You’re the Tuckers.”
Ah, yes. We were.
“Wonderful. Please follow me. So glad to meet you. We’re going to get along splendidly. I just know it.”
We shuddered in unison, but, screwing our courage to the sticking place, we stood and followed her. Now, we knew, the fun part was going to start.
Assuming, that is, your idea of fun includes rubbing your teeth on the sidewalk.
More to come.
Second, a completed unrelated to the story photo (yeah, like you’re surprised), of Martha at lunch when we were in Perry, OK, last year. (Long story. I’ll tell it some day.)
Footnotes:
1. My favorite timeshare story? I heard this from my parents. Apparently there was a very fancy vacation property where lots of middle class investors ponied up big money to buy memberships. Only, when the property was built, the small investors found they had purchased access to the building’s lobby. Not the rooms. One week every year, they could hang around the registration desk. May be apocryphal, but, from what I’ve seen, it has the ring of truth.
2. So much so, in fact, that the US FCC has a special page just for dealing with them. Go here: https://consumer.ftc.gov/articles/timeshares-vacation-clubs-and-related-scams
3. No. Really. It works. I’ve seen it work. People end up buying things they don’t want and can’t afford simply to get to lunch.
Copyright©2024 Michael Jay Tucker
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